The hardest thing so far about the ETC is not its rigorous work schedule or high expectations (though I will admit, those are pretty freakin hard), but rather how the potential of emotional bonds are dangled in front of us like tantalizing carrots, just out of reach.
What I mean is, there are a lot of cool people here. A LOT. And we are bonding in such a way that we’re all in the same room, working through the same experience, stressing the same stresses, and the like. But I’m finding that there is not much time to nurture friendships outside of the building.
Certainly I have made friends and I of course broke everyone in to my huggable nature early on. However, when I work at a friendship I tend to be a digger, and pick at a person and poke them and learn about them and burrow down into their soul to figure out who exactly they are. It is a delicate process, and takes time and diligence, and sometimes I even have to do it one person at a time. I cannot help that I am slow at this.
So, what I am left with at the moment is a deep emotional strain. I want to know my new ETC friends better and cultivate my budding relationships, but there is little time to do so, and I’m feeling terribly empty because of it. And yes, there are large parties from time to time, but as a card carrying introvert, those don’t do much more than wear me out. I am unsure of how to handle this dilemma.
I’ll have faith, though, as I see how close the second years are with each other, and the strong friendships that they’ve established among themselves. So, perhaps I just need to give it time, who can say!
I miss the ballers, and I miss Brenna.