It’s one of those pacing, puzzling, agitated days. I’m frustrated because the sun is shining, the weather is pleasant, and I am completely out of good or even logical reasons to be down about anything. I have this internal festering that I’ve only had twice before, which makes me want to do nothing more than skip down to the art barn, collect every piece of glass I’ve made, and SMASH them against the concrete. SMASH SMASH SMASH!!!!!!!!

The first time I felt it, I had Andrew with me, and he deterred the mood a bit to where I only smashed things in my “broken box,” so there was no real loss. The second time, I had friends about to hide among, so I would stay safely away from the art barn. Today, however, everyone’s in the usual busy state, and I can’t find anyone. I fear that if I can not find anything to prevent me, the aforementioned SMASHing will ensue (hence the reason for the journal entry, it should delay me a bit before dinner).

This would cause quite a predicament, as the student show is next week, and if I smashed all my stuff, I wouldn’t have anything to put in there. It is strange, this art-destructo feeling isn’t normal for me, not with anything 2-D, and I’m one of those people who is horrified when others tear up their drawings. Of course, the glass smashing isn’t really about my feelings on the quality of my art. I love all my pieces, like little children, which makes it even more disturbing how much I want to hurl them to the ground and watch them explode.

I’m sure there’s some deep, internal metaphor in there somewhere, but I’m tired and grumpy and don’t wish to find it, only the smashing. I think they should be safe, I’ll go to run some errands then go to dinner, maybe some food will make me not want to smash when I go to my glass slot tonight (maybe I’ll fling a wonky cup into the wall, just for good measure).

11 thoughts on “SMASH”

  1. Makes you kinda wish, that there were those places – just like in ‘Fahrenheit 451’ – with the sole purpose to smash glass windows and the like.


    1. That reminds me, some fraternity or another got ahold of an old junky car once, and charged $5 for people to go at it with a sledge hammer (with all the proper safety equipment, of course). I think they need to do that again.

      1. holy shiat. Really? We did, like, the EXACT same thing at one of our football games here. Before the game, the AHS staff took this old car (probably bought it out of the junkyard or something) and charged some amount of money for people to bash the hell out of it with a sledgehammer. Fun times XD

  2. o.O

    I hope you don’t mind if i ask but: have you something like a “vent” for such feelings? I never experienced you anything close to “grumpy” in chat which is pretty uncommon because almost everyone has days he just feels bad for no reason.

    This is the first time i hear such things from you, so it just came into my mind that you never spoke about anything you do anything for “pressure release”.

    1. This is true, I guess. I never really do pressure-release things because normally I don’t perceive myself to be under any pressure (when, in fact, I usually am). I probably do things that I don’t *realize* are pressure vents, like play frisbee (which I’ve been slacking on lately) and…play…Halo. Ahem, yeah.. ^_^;;

      Maybe I just need to run around outside more, or something. I’m not really sure. I don’t enjoy being grumpy or upset, especially when it seems to be for no reason, so I’ll have to figure out a way to make it go away.

      In the meantime, I have finally completed the songs I will put on your compilation mix cds! However, I don’t know if I still have your address or not, could you email it to me?

  3. From Alison

    Lisa, I’m telling you, you totally need to get laid. Then everything would be a-okay.

  4. you speak of breaking things like its a bad idea!!! it’s not! i love breaking my stuff! just find something shitty and break it! then do it again! and again! and again! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. now i want to go break stuff, not because i’m upset, but just because it’s fun! fun! fun! fun!

  5. Why do i feel reminded of a quite famous Limp Bizkit song right now? ;D

    We should be glad that Lisa stays with “breaking stuff” instead of other things (i.e. bonds, promises, contracts, bones, backs, necks, ….oh, gettin spooky again ­¬_¬ 😉 )

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