I figured out why I’m terrified of children.

They remind me of how I am incapable of taking care of myself. Well, part of myself, at least. It is like, I get nervous around children, because I think, “Oh God, what if one of them starts crying.”

Because you see, if a child started crying, I would be literally unable to react. I wouldn’t know what to do! I would look around awkwardly and shuffle my feet and possibly raise my hands in helplessness. People sometimes think I would be a natural at comforting children, but it is simply not the case. I do this to myself often, when the little neglected emotional child part of me starts crying.

Often, when I am troubled, I go nosing other people for comfort, because I do not know how to comfort myself, yes? Much like I would seek desparately for another adult to take care of the crying child, because I simply can’t do it. Not like “oh take care of this because I don’t want to deal with it,” but that I just can’t

It is a problem. But at least I know that my fear of children is only because of an association I make with myself. Somehow it doesn’t make me feel much better.